When my father died suddenly in 2023, our family was immediately thrown into mourning. We each processed the life-changing loss in our own way, but the biggest surprise was the response of Buddy, my dad’s 14-year-old, slate-gray tubby tabby. Day after day, month after month, he waddled to my father’s now-empty bedroom and launched into a ghostly, guttural yowl, as if keening at an Irish wake. Buddy was clearly mourning, and the yowling wasn’t the only symptom. His sorrow manifested in extreme clinging onto my mother and such intensive grooming of his belly that he removed most of the hair.
Buddy is one among millions of pets who have struggled with the death of a caregiver, and my mother joins many surviving partners and friends in grieving a loss with both their human and animal families. Easing animals’ pain, however, requires a greater understanding of how our pets mourn.
The human-animal bond
When our grieving pets turn the other whisker when we call them, destroy another sofa or lash out with a scratch, it’s natural to wonder what’s going on in their heads. The answer starts with recognizing the power of the humananimal bond. Kayla Baudoin, a licensed clinical social worker at Louisiana State University’s School of Veterinary Medicine, regularly works with people grieving the loss of a pet. Acknowledging the two-way bond between people and pets is key to healthy mourning, she says. “If it goes one way, it surely goes the other way.”
“Our pets are choosing to interact with us,” adds Danielle Bays, senior analyst for cat protection and policy for Humane World for Animals. “My cats choose to sleep on my desk while I work, when they could be elsewhere in the house ignoring me. It’s clear there’s a connection.”
Stephanie Rodriguez, an animal companion loss support specialist based in Florida observes that bond in action all the time—sometimes to almost miraculous effect. “I have seen animals who should be dead hang on until their beloved human dies, and vice versa,” Rodriguez explains. “I have seen dogs die the same day; I have seen them die 24 hours later."
Rodriguez says she commonly hears people say they feel more grief over the loss of a pet than of a person. “They’re sources of complete and total unconditional love, in a way that human beings can never be,” she says. “I think we come as close to unconditional love as we can, not for each other, but for an animal.”
Jackson Galaxy, cat behavior and wellness specialist, and host of Animal Planet’s My Cat from Hell, helps people understand the nature of that bond.
"It’s partially my job to get humans into a space where they recognize that they’re in a relationship, and what that relationship is,” he explains, which starts with reframing the concept of pet “ownership.” “It’s not like you ‘have a,’ but you ‘live with a.’” For those of us who already see our pets as family, it’s heartening to know that 85% of dog owners and 78% of cat owners feel the same, according to a Pew Research Center survey.
Our pets are choosing to interact with us. My cats choose to sleep on my desk while I work, when they could be elsewhere in the house ignoring me. It’s clear there’s a connection.”
Danielle Bays, senior analyst for cat protection and policy for Humane World for Animals
Growing evidence of animal grief
Some scientists and researchers remain skeptical about the concept of animal grief, suggesting that labeling these behaviors as “mourning” is a case of anthropomorphism, or projecting human emotions and perceptions onto animals. Instead, they suggest, the distress animals display upon death may be more a reaction to a change in routine and environment, or a response to emotions in the surviving caregiver than true grief in the human sense.
Others point to research that shows the mind of a dog is equivalent to that of a human child between 2 and 3 years of age and therefore not able to understand death.
However, many experts and animal advocates strongly disagree: Demonstrations of animal grief are easy to find for anyone with a spare minute and an internet connection. Consider the viral stories about an orca mom swimming with the corpse of her calf, a dog crying on the gravestone of her owner and elephants stroking the bones of their matriarch. Like Buddy’s behaviors, these anecdotes tick many of the boxes of pet grieving rituals enumerated by the LSU School of Veterinary Medicine’s Best Friend Gone Project—a service aimed at helping caregivers overcome the loss of a pet—including high-pitched distress vocalizations, changes in grooming and wanting lots of attention.
“It’s beyond question now that many animals grieve; science tells us they do,” says Barbara J. King, emerita anthropologist at the College of William & Mary and author of How Animals Grieve. “There’s no reason to say that this is caused by interruption of routine any more than it would be to say that human grief is caused by that interruption.”
King also rejects the anthropomorphism assertion in the case of grief, in part over incorrect definitions of it. “When a TV documentary shows a picture of a chimpanzee with a wide-open, teeth-exposed grin and claims, ‘That’s a happy chimpanzee,’ that’s actually a chimpanzee showing a fear grimace,” she highlights as an example of true anthropomorphism. Grief, she believes, is different. “It’s simply not the inaccurate projection of a human capacity because grief is not ours alone.”
Galaxy, like many experts in the field, agrees. “If the plural of anecdote is data,” he says, echoing the aphorism by the political scientist Ray Wolfinger, “I’ve got plenty of data to tell you that animals mourn.” He points to his years of assisting animal guardians and their companion animals say goodbye. “The idea that any animal that works with deep relationships…could not be mourning the loss of that individual in that relationship is an oversimplification of the animal experience.”
Rachel Stern/Humane World for Animals
Helping pets in mourning
Humans have far more resources to help them process grief than animals do. Perhaps more importantly, we have the verbal communication abilities to reach out for support, but animals do not and have to work through it themselves. As Galaxy points out, animals can’t say, “I miss my father, what do I do?”
But people can help animals process their grief by making extra time for play, cuddling and companionship, says King.
Bays says that if the passed loved one did most of the cuddling and playing, someone else will need to take on those roles long-term. The rituals and routines may not be the same, but caregivers must still meet pets’ everyday needs. “Be ready for your cat to have an opinion on who they want to provide that companionship and who they want to start developing a new, stronger bond with,” says Bays.
It’s beyond question now that many animals grieve; science tells us they do.”
Barbara J. King, author of How Animals Grieve
Galaxy recommends maintaining rituals and routines, especially those formerly performed by the guardian who’s passed on. Over time, caregivers can start encouraging new routines through positive reinforcement. If dogs are showing signs of depression, such as lethargy, they may benefit from energizing playdates with other dogs or interactions with other humans.
Be mindful of the deceased person’s belongings and their scents, too, explains Galaxy. “I’m really cognizant about making sure that scents are eventually removed because cats define their world so strongly by scent. Community is marked by scent; ownership of territory marked by scent…and so over time, I will start removing anything.”
When the death of a caregiver means the surviving pet has to move to a new home or shelter, the displacement can add to the stress and grief, Bays points out. In these cases, it’s kinder to ease the transition “by rehoming the pet with a family member or friend the animal is already familiar with, or by rehoming directly, without the animal shelter, so there’s less moving from place to place.”
Incorporating, not overcoming, loss
As many people in the throes of grief discover, it’s impossible to truly overcome the loss of a loved one. In fact, sometimes the more you try, the more you suffer. That’s why Galaxy suggests a different course that’s also more realistic and practicable. “You’re not going to get over it and you’re never going to get through it—it’s about incorporating loss into life,” he says.
This idea is echoed by Rodriguez, who conducts sessions with Galaxy on dealing with grief over the loss of a pet. “It goes back to the idea of combining ingredients in baking,” she explains. You can fold, mix and sift, but you have to dig in and work to make something of it. “That is what Buddy is doing with your father’s death,” she told me. “He is making it a reality in his world and acknowledging the pain.” Part of supporting Buddy, she points out, is honoring that grief response and not simply trying to shut it down.
Late in the summer of 2024, a little more than a year since the death of our father, Buddy stopped crying at the door of my dad’s bedroom. It may be that he found closure on his own, or it may simply reflect that maxim of grief: Time heals all.
Rachel Stern/Humane World for Animals
Recognizing animals in grief
As animal lovers, we know our pets and often feel their suffering. But the signs of an animal’s grieving may not always be obvious, especially if we’re looking for more typically “human” symptoms of grief. Like humans, animals may grieve in different ways. What’s most important to note is any change in your pet’s behavior and its potential trigger, says Galaxy. When did the change occur, and what sparked it?
“My definition of grief is that a surviving animal shows distress through behavior that is markedly divergent from[their] routine,” agrees King.
Eating habits
Some grieving animals may display less interest in eating, especially if a different person delivers their food in a new way or on a different schedule.
Rachel Stern/Humane World for Animals
Vocalization
Grieving dogs and, especially, cats may whine, howl or yowl more frequently than before or at a louder volume. Some may do the opposite and be quieter than usual.
Demand for attention
Clinginess is a natural reaction after the death of a caretaker. One study showed that the same is true after the loss of a fellow pet: 82% of affected dogs and 97% of cats became more clingy and needy. Some pets may even show signs of separation anxiety. Other pets may do the opposite and lean into solitude.
Rachel Stern/Humane World for Animals
Grooming
A death in the family can trigger increased or more intense grooming, which can damage skin, create or worsen lesions, and invite disease. In contrast, other pets may groom less.
Health issues
The stress that comes with loss can cause physical health problems, including gastrointestinal diseases, dermatologic conditions, and respiratory and cardiac conditions. Caregivers should watch their pets carefully in the months following a death, and any animal showing signs of these conditions should see a veterinarian.
Michael Dunphy is a writer and editor for numerous publications, companies and schools. His articles have appeared in outlets like Forbes, National Geographic, USA Today, CNN and PBS. He also teaches writing courses at Gotham Writers Workshop.
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